Hush, Hush Parody!
by Kissed By My Angel
Summary: A chapter by chapter parody of Hush, Hush! Guaranteed to make you laugh...Some adult situations...Enjoy!
1. Prologue

**Thanks for reading! This is basically a chapter by chapter parody of the famous book "Hush, Hush." Feel free to follow along with a book, the events that will occur happen in the same sequence as they should (: Hope you have tons of laughs! (Warning: Some inappropriate themes)**

Prologue- France, 1565

Chauncey was with the town's stripper in the grassy banks of the Loire river when the storm rolled in. She was reluctantly taking his clothes off, freaked out by the look on his face, which promptly resembled the kool aid man's smile whenever he yelled "OH YEAH" She stood up and started to walk away, but tripped over her heels and tumbled down a 250-feet hill.

Chauncey watched her roll….and roll…and roll….

She finally landed at the foot of the hill, however she tragically rolled into a hot spring. He raced to the spring and watched her burn to death. "HEY! You didn't even do anything! Gimme my money back, hoe! Don't make me get in that hot water after you, tramp!- Ah its no use, you're dead. Guess that's another one." He pulled a chalkboard out from his pocket and with the chalk he drew another line, the lines adding up to be 37.

"And I'm still a virgin," He muttered to himself.

He walked back over to his stallion. Wait, he thought to himself, This horse shouldn't be a stallion, it was written to be a gelding. I can fix that. He pulled out his knife and – shudder – did a torturous act on that poor stallion –now a gelding-. Then the horse tripped as well and rolled down the 250- foot hill.

Chauncey watched the horse roll…and roll…and roll…until the horse landed in the hot spring as well.

With a sigh he walked calmly down to the foot of the hill, tore the silver buckle from his boot, and aimed it directly on the dead horse's mouth, his poor head still above the water with his mouth open., and threw. It landed perfectly in this mouth…BUT WAIT! The horse wasn't fully dead yet…however the buckle choked him and he died….very tragic. He pulled out another chalkboard on the opposite pocket and marked a line. 67. There's another horse dead, he thought.

Without a ride, he walked solemnly through a cemetery. A large naked statue of an angel hung above a monument. Being a mature adult, he grabbed a stick from the ground and poked the angel's penis with it while giggling like a schoolgirl.

Suddenly he heard a noise and turned around. It was a boy, wearing only trousers, giving him a threatening look. Chauncey mistook this as flirting, so he returned the look and with a sexy smirk as he ran his tongue over his mouth in a seductive way. The boy, with his dripped wet hair, look confused for a moment, then copied his seductive smirk. A random man walking his dog watched from afar as the two seduced each other with their eyes. The man grunted and they stopped.

The strange boy tried to speak, but when he opened his mouth the skies let loose a terrible downpour (on no other place but the boy) and he almost drowned as he tried to speak.

"Who goes there?" Chauncey said, looking for some sort of weapon to defend himself if needed. All he had was a stick, so he pointed it at the boy. "I'm warning you not to go any closer! I have a stick! I can, I can….poke you with it!" He reluctantly walked up to the boy and poked him lightly on his stomach with the stick.

Within a second the boy started wailing and crying, flinging his body on the ground and bawling. After about half an hour later, the boy finally stood up and looked up towed the sky. "God? Can you hear me? HE POKED ME WTH A STICK! THAT'SAGAINST THE RULES!"

So for the next thirty minutes Chauncey and the boy sat on the ground facing away from each other, pouting. They both had their arms crossed with a frown on their face. If one would look at the other, the other would look away. And so forth.

After the mature temper tantrum, he again asked who the boy was. "One of the Devil's brood. I do nasty things for him, in a way I'm like his stripper." Chauncey shuddered whenever the mentioned the word stripper. "You're a lunatic," He told the boy.

"Listen, I need something from you. I won't leave until I have it. Do you understand?" The boy said.

Chauncey mistook this again and gave him another seductive smile. He stood up and sat on his lap. The boy shrieked and pushed him off. "Not that! I need your oath of fealty, bend on one knee and swear it."

Since Chauncey had no idea what fealty meant, he instead just got on one knee. Surprisingly, the pulled out a wedding ring from his pocket. "Um, strange boy, will you marry me?"

The boy was furious at first for not doing was he was supposed to, but then he gave him a huge smile and jumped in his arms. "YES!"

Chauncey yelled happily and they danced around in a happy circle. He was getting married! Finally he would lose his V-card!

He never even knew what the boy wanted from him.

All Chauncey knew was…he had to get that boys name…

000000000000000000

**Okay guys so that's the first chapter! I hope you enjoy, I need some reviews to get inspired a bit before writing another chapter, so will you let me know if I should continue? I appreciate you reading this! I wanted to be one of the first to write a parody for Hush, Hush, so yeah (: If you have any suggestions or comedy bits, PM me! **

**~angel~**


	2. Chapter 1

**Coldwater, Maine (By the way, the water's really cold here man!)**

**Present Day**

I walked into Biology and my jaw fell open and I slobbered everywhere. Mysteriously adhered to the chalkboard was a Barbie doll, with Ken at her side. They were naked except Barbie had a leaf where her private area was. A pencil eraser was glued to Ken's private area (Because as we know, Ken has no dick) and Barbie's hand was touching Ken's penis. Ken's hand was groping Barbie's boobs. Very school appropiate.

Scribbled to the chalkboard was:

"_Welcome to Barbie and Ken's porn life, PORN, BABY, PORN!"_

At my side Vee Sky said," Now I say something completely unimportant about the school's eZine, which is exactly like fucking Facebook but somehow different."

"So Vee, I thought you were looking forward to this topic. Sex is your thing."

"No it's not. _Bondage_ is my thing."

"Vee? As in virgin?"

"No, V as in vagina cock rape."

I gave her a quizical look as we walked to our seats when the bell rang, because being myself, I couldn't handle any talk containing ...s...e...x...*shudder*

Coach blew his whistle and used it to beat the shit out of some kids not seated. Wow, he gets really freaky with that thing.

"Sex is not just something your dad should be giving you, it's also rape. What is rape? NORA! I'm calling on you specifically, what IS RAPE?"

"Science?"

"Exactly! Everybody hear that? RAPE IS SCIENCE! What is science? Who should I choose to answer the question? Hmm, how about NORA! What is science?"

"Knowledge gained through experimentation and observation."

"That is EXACTLY what rape is. Good job. Here's a condom." He throws a condom at me and I catch it. I throw it towards the back of the room, because as we know I won't ever be using it. It lands on the face of some guy named Patch, and he eats it.

"As a fallen angel, all I eat are condoms!" The whole class stares at him.

"So class!" Coach says, and holds up the barbie doll. "I have a VERY important question to ask. NORA, you get to answer it! Which colored leaf should I put on Barbie's private area? The brown one, the green one or the yellow one?"

"Um, the yellow one?"

"GOOD ANSWER. So Vee and NORA, you two know eachother pretty well. I bet you've seen each others insides and outsides, ect. MOVE SEATS."

"Awww!" Vee and I moan. Vee spoke up"But sir please-"

"NOPE"

"But-"

"NO"

"Coach-"

"HELL NO!"

I decide to intervine.

"Coach please?"

"Okay"

Patch jumps out of his seat and picks up Vee and throws her out a window.

"Call me Patch, I mean it, call me."

"Call me Nora, I mean it. Just call me Nora."

"I know exactly who you are. You are a crappy journalist, eat normal food that your mom always writes "organic" on the label so you think your eating healty, and writes poetry on huge billboards so it wont be seen."

He was dead on.

His finger slid underneath my chair and he scooted it closer to him. However, it fell and I landed painfully on the hard ground.

"Do you sleep naked?"

Wtf?

"Sometimes,...occasionally...okay fine every night. Big deal. I bet you do too."

"Nope. I sleep in a pink bunny costume. I'm a fallen angel, duh."

"My dad passed away last year."

"My foot fell asleep."

"He got murdered."

"Nevermind, it woke back up."

"I'm busy tonight."

"So am I. Want to hang out."

"No. But I'll show up anyways."

*Bell rings*

Vee walkes in.

"He's dangerous, Nora."

"Why? Because he threw you out a window?"

"Um, no. Because he didn't even introduce himself to me!"

"Oh."

"My next hook on the eZine atricle will be about how bad seating charts are...And Barbies..."

We look over to where Coach was making Barbie and Ken hump eachother.

Looks like I was stuck with Patch.

For now.

~~~~~~~~~~~.~~~~~~~~

**Lol hope you enjoyed(: Loves 3**

**~angel~**


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